(This was published with the Sambayanan Newsletter of and for the Filipino Catholic Community in Seoul, Korea sometime in Yr2000. Jun as my webmaster has amazingly kept other compositions I made!)I was brought to the operating room puffy and misty eyed for crying all night long. While the doctors and the attendants were preparing the utilities to be used, I called on the Lord to forgive whatever sins I have committed. HE, to take away my life now if only to pay for these sins. Or let me live if HE choose to forgive me. The later, with a pledge to take some responsilities in reflecting HIS image and likeness. I lost my consciousness.
In the middle of a busy intersection surrounded by glaring tall buildings, made of glasses, I could see myself floating and contineously spinning. A determined strong force pulled me out, then darkness swept the brightness away. I found myself in a dark long tunnel where a beam of light could be seen very far at the openning. I was so scared. My body now was immovable, helpless to even utter a word. An apparent endless situation where I can do nothing. I was worthless at the verge of resignation. Then suddenly, my thought was able to worked-out a little prayer, Lord, please forgive me. And that was it, I regain consciousness safe and sound, praising and giving HIM thanks!
It was an indelible reality beyond the realm of my ordinary human perception. In fact, a dreadful experience and bringing back the memories is just like piercing a double edge knife right into the heart. Yet I cherish the experience for it was a breakthrough of my withering faith.
I left our country full of regrets. A promising job, a close-knit family and a circle of good friends. I did a terrible thing that could have jeopardized my interest and those wonderful people around me. I couldn face the consequences so I ran scared, far away from home - to Korea, December 1991.
As I don't believe in luck and having a motto of "life is what we make it," I carefully made a two year plan of activities. A list of do's and dont's to guide me through. After this period I have to go home to take up the board exams like my cousin. Unfortunately, a misguided match-making struck out a pre-mature love affair that brought a lovely baby out of wed lock. This situation altered most of my plans. More so when my live-in partner was deported and later demmanded me to go home for marriage if not, he'll look for somebody. I really hate what was going on, so I dared to have someone too. If he can, why can't I?
The sudden twist of my lifestyle brought me more misfortunes than I first thought. And it's difficult to accept the failures. Even developing an attitude in blamming someone, something, just anything for these failures. I became bitter and resentful. I couldn't trust anybody anymore. I really mess up my life. But life must go on no matter what.
That was two years ago. Thanks for my family, friends and spiritual advisers who stood by me during my personal battles. But most of all to the Lord Whom I have entrusted my life. I am a different person now. My life story taught me an everlasting legacy, TO LET GOD TAKE CONTROL OF YOUR LIFE.
I refuse to believe that my volunteering in the church is my own making neither accidental but rather it's God's plan. HIS way to bring me closer to HIM. And as it is the last Christmas of the millenium, what an opportune time to repent and ask for forgiveness with HIS abundant blessings!
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